2019 was a weird year. I want to say that it was hard but that’s probably just because things feel hard right now, in this moment.
I was awoken at 4am by a sleepy Josie having another coughing fit. ‘Tis the season for her, and while it’s still heartbreaking and tiring on this third winter of her life, I feel more confident as a mama when I’m caring for her because we have a ton of natural tools in our toolbelt nowadays. Maybe I’ll share more about that another day.
Today though, is the last day of 2019. The last day of the decade. In this decade I started dating my husband, we got a puppy, we bought a house, had two babies, and experienced the grief of miscarriage. We adventured, and sometimes struggled, our way through our twenties and into our early thirties. We matured in ways we didn’t even know we could mature in. We made mistakes and we grew through them. We learned what adulting actually meant. We shifted from jobs to careers. We learned levels of patience only parents can learn. We camped and hiked and biked. And we loved each other, even when it felt hard and frustrating. I can’t wait for another decade with him.
I recently purchased the Biddy 2020 Tarot Planner (this is not sponsored, I’m just stoked about it). Since I had nothing else to do after caring for my little one at 4am and could not fall asleep, I decided to start this last day of 2019 early with the 2019 Reflection Spread.
As tarot usually does, this spread helped me reflect on this past year in a way that allowed me to see how far I’ve actually come in the last 365 days.
It revealed that I actually created a certain level of balance in my life that allowed me to live in a way that feels good to me.
I had a really hard time detaching from hard situations which tend to make me struggle with treating those involved in said situations fairly (including myself).
However, I also developed the ability to stay calm and express myself in moments where I previously would have lost it or given up.
I learned that I still have a lot of learning to do before actually executing on a lot of my plans, which is fun to think about as I step into the new year.
I am leaving my willingness to get burnt out and my inability to focus on what’s important in the moment. You can keep that shit, 2019.
In 2020, I’ll accept each situation as it comes to me, even if it’s slightly imperfect, because I now know that it always serves me in one way or another. I will accept the responsibility of my personal power, step into it with confidence, and use it with intention in order to inspire and lead others.
If you’re reading this post, I hope you’ll take a moment to see how far you’ve come from December 31, 2018. Each of us is on a journey, and some years of that journey feel like they might defeat us. But if you’re alive right now, good news! 2019 did not defeat you. I encourage you to think about what you’ll take with you into 2020 and what you’ll leave behind. This is a big year coming up, and the beginning of a new decade. What will you do with it?
P.S. If you need some guidance, I really do recommend the Biddy Tarot Planner linked above.