I have had a lot of moments throughout this past week where I’ll be driving or loading the dishwasher and an idea for something to write about comes to me. I keep thinking I should write them down or start a list on my phone but for reasons I am unaware of myself, I never get around to doing that.
So here I am a week in and already stuck on what I’d like to talk about. I promised myself that I’d show up though, so show up I will. If this ends up presenting absolutely no value, then I apologize if you’re reading it.
This is actually quite a big moment for me because most times in my life when I’ve found myself stuck, I immediately give up. Haven’t lost a pound in a week? I give up on this diet. Haven’t gotten 150 views on my instagram? I give up on this project. Haven’t gotten my child to eat vegetables out of anything but a pureed pouch? I give up on parenting. Just kidding, but you get the point. My motto appears to be, “If you aren’t constantly moving forward at a reasonable pace (which for me is the speed of lightning), then what’s the point of doing something at all?”
But as I mentioned the other day, I am working on slowing down. Things are better when you slow down. They’re are more beautiful and enjoyable and calm.
Maybe being stuck is slightly beautiful too, if you just commit to showing up for it. Maybe being stuck is God’s way of saying, hey, here is an opportunity to show your commitment to this thing you have going here. Maybe the universe is delivering me a test to see if I’m finally ready to share with the world whatever I’ve been placed here to share.
Speaking of that though, I’m still strugglingwith that too. I have so many ideas and passions that I almost feel like I’m drowning in them at times. Do I get my MBA or a Masters in sustainable agriculture? Do I take this leadership class or sign up for this herbalism course? My favorite astrologer told me that I’m likely to be really comfortable on my path and purpose when I’m around 40. Which is lovely and gives me hope, but what the hell am I supposed to do until then?
Okay wait. I need to be honest with myself and with you- I actually do think the path is slowly becoming clearer but I’m just afraid to totally see it. I have spent my whole life pursuing perfection and success in the most conventional ways (mostly), so this shift that I am making towards studying the land and saving a little portion of the planet with healthy soil and chemical free, heirloom produce and meat is something that feels simultaneously terrifying and freeing. It’s a progression that, if you look closely at the events I remember best on the timeline of my life, doesn’t really come as much of a surprise.
Well look at that. It’s just become clear to me that being stuck gifts you with the perfect moment to dig a little deeper in search of your own truth. So off I go to sign up for that herbalism course and read a couple pages of my biodymanic gardening book…
P.S. Here’s the book if you’re curious about the hell I’m referring to. 🙂